The Negative Effects of Porn on Relationships (Part 1 of a 2-Part Series)

Barbara Handfield

Don and Hildred had been married for ten years with two children and an established business. Their married life had its ups and downs, but they loved each other and were committed to making their union work, so they weathered the relationship storms they encountered.

On the ninth anniversary of their marriage, Don approached Hildred about watching porn to add excitement in the bedroom when their sexual intimacy hit a stump. Hildred was uncomfortable about it but figured it was better than having her husband go outside their marriage to seek other women.

Pornography has become increasingly accessible in recent years, which has led to it becoming a billion-dollar industry. While its use has some positive aspects, such as providing an outlet for couples to explore their sexuality, it is also linked to adverse effects on relationships. 

Porn’s Negative Effects on Relationships

While porn may seem an exciting and steamy way to add to bedroom adventures, don’t be too quick to watch it. Whether you watch it individually or as a couple, negative effects may come with it—you may not realize its damage until your relationship shows signs of problems. 

Increased Rates of Infidelity

Studies have shown that people who view pornography regularly are more likely to be unfaithful to their partners. This may be because porn makes it easier to gain emotional and physical distance from a partner and to explore sex with someone outside the relationship. Watching porn creates a desire and a want to experience different things. 

After a while, porn becomes unfulfilling and leaves them wanting more. It leads to thoughts of wanting to be intimate with others who look different from their partner. The idea to explore different sexual preferences with multiple people, the thrill of being caught, and the excitement of being with someone new. Unfortunately, the fantasy alternative leads to real-world cheating. ¹

Decrease in Sexual Intimacy

While watching porn may provide an outlet for couples to explore new sexual activities, it can also lead to decreased physical and emotional intimacy. Porn can desensitize users to the emotional needs and physical sensations associated with sex, making it challenging to connect intimately with a partner without feeling empty or unsatisfied.

This disconnect with your partner from the harmful effects of porn can lead to many problems, including difficulties communicating, not showing affection, losing your bond, increased stress levels, withdrawing from the relationship, and unwillingness to improve the relationship. 

Damaged Self-Esteem

People who watch porn or have a partner that watches porn often compare themselves to the actors on screen, leading to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity in their relationship. This may lead to alienation from one’s partner and the relationship and a decrease in self-esteem.

Research evidence has now concluded the use of porn can adversely affect the partner’s self-esteem.² The struggle with self-esteem can cause many challenges in the relationship and individually. It can cause them to become insecure and doubt themselves and the relationship. Feelings of jealousy, mistrust, and criticism toward their partner can surface. This can make communication difficult, reducing connection and intimacy. Low self-esteem can drive people to be overly sensitive and even lead to impulsive behavior—causing arguments and resentment. 

Low self-esteem can make the relationship emotionally draining and even damaging. Often, low self-esteem can create anxiety and self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors. 

Pornography has become an integral part of many people’s lives, but it can also have severe consequences for relationships. It has been linked to infidelity, decreased sexual intimacy, and lower self-esteem, all of which can lead to relationship breakdown. Therefore, couples need to be aware of the potential dangers of porn before engaging in its use.

Sources

¹ “What Porn Can Do to Intimacy.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 16 July 2014, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201407/what-porn-can-do-intimacy.

² Weiss, Robert. “Is Male Porn Use Ruining Sex?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 20 Jan. 2014, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201401/is-male-porn-use-ruining-sex.