Negative Effects of Porn on Relationships – Part 2 of a 2 Part Series

As the months progressed Hildred realized, that Don wanted to try more extreme sexual acts in the bedroom. She was not open to going down, what she considered a rabbit-hole, but hid her thoughts from him. The uncomfortable feelings of disgust made her resentful. When she outright refused, Don did not push her to come out of her comfort zone; he fell into the habit of coming home at 1am in the mornings three times out of the week.  When she angrily questioned his whereabouts, Don’s response to her was; he was working late.

Hildred began to suspect him of cheating. She gave her husband an ultimatum: get the porn out of their bedroom or she would leave.

It doesn’t come as a surprise that porn can have a detrimental effect on any relationship, but you may be unaware of the depth of the damage it can cause. Not only does it take away trust and harm connection, but it also has a negative effect on self-esteem and can lead to more serious issues, such as escalation of desires, pressure to perform, and health risks.

Watching porn can create unrealistic expectations for both partners, create jealousy and mistrust, and lead to a range of negative emotions.² Porn can even damage a partner’s sex life, due to the acts viewed in the porn, creating a false sense of what to expect and how to act during sexual activity.

It is important to discuss this issue with your partner and come to a mutual understanding on whether to watch porn in the relationship. Doing so can help ensure a healthier, happier, and more trusting relationship.

Lack of real connection

Porn can be a distraction from the real person in your relationship and can lead to expectations that are unrealistic and unfulfilling. Your attention is misplaced and may take your time away from your partner, or you may not have sex with your partner as often due to watching porn.

It is common to begin comparing your sex life with your partner to the unrealistic expectations in porn. You may find your partner not living up to your expectations, or your partner may experience the negative effects of you watching porn—creating a disconnect.

Escalation of desires

Watching porn can create warped or exaggerated ideas about sexuality and lead to unhealthy desires for more extreme or violent content.

As your partner is introduced to new, more attractive, and exciting material, they may begin to develop unrealistic expectations of their sex life. This could potentially lead to disappointment and resentment when these desires are not met. In addition, one partner’s involvement with porn may make the other partner feel inadequate or threatened. This, in turn, can lead to feelings of rejection and refusal to participate in intimacy with the other person.

Additionally, regular pornography use can lead to the introduction of abnormal sexual behavior into the relationship. This could ultimately result in increased instances of physical and verbal abuse, as one partner endeavors to recreate their porn scene in their own relationship.

Jealousy

When one partner watches porn, it can lead to feelings of being inadequate or not “good enough” and can ultimately damage the other partner’s self-esteem.

Porn can make a person feel as though their sexuality is not good enough and can lead to feelings of competition and comparison with the people featured in the porn. This can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings when one partner feels as though they don’t measure up. As a result, a couple’s sex life and communication can suffer, which can cause the relationship to be strained, leading to deep tension, resentment, and unhappiness.

Erosion of trust

Watching porn can lead to a decreased sense of trust, as it may appear to your partner that you do not feel fulfilled or satisfied in the relationship. This is because you have not respected their wishes and chosen to pursue activities that they have decided are not okay. As such, it creates a profound sense of betrayal and an abiding loss of relationship trust.

Pressure to perform

Porn may also lead to unrealistic expectations of sexual performances or appearances that can be difficult to measure up to and can increase feelings of anxiety or inadequacy, leading to further issues with intimacy. Your partner may become uncomfortable or no longer want to be intimate. This is because they are feeling pressure to be “as good or better” than the porn you are watching. Or your partner may question why you feel the need to watch porn when they are there to be with you in real life. The weight of pleasing you could create an uncomfortable space for your partner.

Sources

¹ “Can Porn Impact Your Relationship?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/202006/can-porn-impact-your-relationship.  

² “How Pornography Distorts Intimate Relationships.” MentalHelp.net, https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/how-pornography-distorts-intimate-relationships/.