How to navigate and negotiate sex with your partner

I wish I could say No! Stop! I don’t like it! It hurts! I want more! I wish he would use a condom! I want it ruff . I wish I could have told him/ her I want to try that, but what will he/she think of me?

Sex!  We all think about it, many of us engage in it and enjoy it, but most of us struggle when it comes to telling our partners what we want and don’t want.

As a result of humans being a unique and diverse population, people sometimes have different sexual values, ideas and preferences, which can hinder one’s sexual journey, if proper navigation and negotiation hasn’t taken place. Knowing who you are outside of your partner and relationship can support you in having, an open discussion with your partner about your feelings, beliefs, morals, comfort zone and boundaries as it relates to sex. It can also willingly and freely allow you to voice your preferences. Speak up for yourself, never be afraid to ask for what you want even if you may be faced with rejection or criticism – express your interest!

However, ensure that conversations aren’t led during sex because pressure, risk and manipulation could sway decisions and force some people without willpower to engage in sexual activities he or she is not comfortable with.

It is important to learn the mindset of your partner, so that you can be ready to negotiate and get what you deserve, instead of bargaining for less. Keep in mind that males appreciate when negotiation is short, sweet – straight to the point. While female partners embrace this opportunity like a clock paid job. It is important to find a balance, where both individuals feels as though they were given equal opportunity.

We should feel able to say and accept yes, no, or maybe without fear or force and set limits and boundaries that will be completely respected. Sometimes telling someone how you feel, including your partner, can be challenging, but through practice, it can prepare you to be confident and ready to approach the topic when the time comes. Laughter is good for the soul and there is never a dull moment talking about sex. So the idea of starting the conversation with a joke or ending with some humor will do no harm.

Due to sex and relationships continuously evolving it is important that conversations are not just a onetime thing, but it is ongoing and mutual. However, never when one is under the influence of drugs and alcohol, as judgments can be impaired.

Everyone has a vital role to play in navigating and negotiating sex. The onus is on both consenting adults to learn as much as they can about sex and by extension safer sex, protection, satisfaction, intimacy and respect which will lay the groundwork  to a healthy relationship.

by Jade